Monday, June 04, 2007
thanks for all the pple who were actually tagging and showing that i mean something to them. :D
1 month liao. many things have happened. things that i didnt feel like blogging b4. but not now. :)
i got off my butt and made commitments i knew i had to make. struggle? yes. human strength? yes. like duh. i have been like that even with God for the past 20 years. or at least when i grew to be an independent unit.
broken. i didnt know what to do. read my Word? pray? reason? deciper wat is happening and pray the right things? nothing made sense.
so i didnt do anything. gave myself away to God as what i am.
restoration. a brief moment of happiness, worry free joy and freedom. it was good while it lasted. difficult to recall when it was gone. Feelings arent very reliable anyway. :D God's Word was swimming in my mind constantly throughout this time. Foundation that i needed.
saturday. Filling. overflow. uncontrollable. intense. heavy. bent back. wat was it for i cant really remember. but definitely something is going to happen. a decision, a stand has to be made.
a message was passed. it was tough. what is trust?
Main Entry: 1trust
Pronunciation: 'tr&st
Function: noun
1 a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed
2 a : dependence on something future or contingent : HOPE
i decided to commit to this 'trust'..though the idea of trusting God is impossible to me.
TRUST=NOT ME
day 1 of radical conference. same thing. overflow. but its deeply confusing for me not to know exactly what it was 4. all i could really make out of it was that i needed to accept this overflow despite my inferiority and unacceptance of God's blessings.
this few days=????
no definitive instructions no proper line of thought. really strange and scary. as if i lost my past accumulative experiences and lessons. restarting on a clean slate. fears, temptations, bitterness, loneliness, confusion, identity crisis, anger. everything is back. but i lost the power to resist, to address logically the next step or the principle i am supposed to follow to overcome or deal with such. only strangest option left.
Trust in Him.
But how? but wat do i do? how shld i think? what can i pray?
Trust in Him.
1 month liao. many things have happened. things that i didnt feel like blogging b4. but not now. :)
i got off my butt and made commitments i knew i had to make. struggle? yes. human strength? yes. like duh. i have been like that even with God for the past 20 years. or at least when i grew to be an independent unit.
broken. i didnt know what to do. read my Word? pray? reason? deciper wat is happening and pray the right things? nothing made sense.
so i didnt do anything. gave myself away to God as what i am.
restoration. a brief moment of happiness, worry free joy and freedom. it was good while it lasted. difficult to recall when it was gone. Feelings arent very reliable anyway. :D God's Word was swimming in my mind constantly throughout this time. Foundation that i needed.
saturday. Filling. overflow. uncontrollable. intense. heavy. bent back. wat was it for i cant really remember. but definitely something is going to happen. a decision, a stand has to be made.
a message was passed. it was tough. what is trust?
Main Entry: 1trust
Pronunciation: 'tr&st
Function: noun
1 a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed
2 a : dependence on something future or contingent : HOPE
i decided to commit to this 'trust'..though the idea of trusting God is impossible to me.
TRUST=NOT ME
day 1 of radical conference. same thing. overflow. but its deeply confusing for me not to know exactly what it was 4. all i could really make out of it was that i needed to accept this overflow despite my inferiority and unacceptance of God's blessings.
this few days=????
no definitive instructions no proper line of thought. really strange and scary. as if i lost my past accumulative experiences and lessons. restarting on a clean slate. fears, temptations, bitterness, loneliness, confusion, identity crisis, anger. everything is back. but i lost the power to resist, to address logically the next step or the principle i am supposed to follow to overcome or deal with such. only strangest option left.
Trust in Him.
But how? but wat do i do? how shld i think? what can i pray?
Trust in Him.
zhenYang
10:02 pm
10:02 pm