reinitialize.
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pray
reinitializing in process.
stretch out your hand, place it in mine.
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stretch out your hand. i am placing Mine in yours. now close it tightly. Hold on to it tightly.
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stretch out your hand. place it in Mine. that's how things are going to go, how everything is going to be.
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if only things will go faster. all that was promised coming to past come to pass now. only if i can have things my way and do it my way. if only i can be in the most safest, most comfortable place n yet walking with God. if only the path was wide. if only the race was short. if only the devil is not so strong. if only i can overcome everything by myself. if only i can save all of them. if only i can just depend on myself alone. if only.
i cant deny God. i cant deny Jesus Christ. i cant deny i need Him. i cant deny i cannot. i cant deny i am but human. i cant deny i am but dust. i cant deny i am weak. i cant deny without Him i am nothing. i cant deny a close relationship with God is tough. i cant deny i can only depend on Him. i cant deny i can only depend on Him 4 everything. i cant deny His will. i cant deny the inner need i have to worship God. i cant deny i cant live without Christ. i cant deny i am independent. i cant deny i need Him all the time. (i should print this out and memorise all of this. stop myself from running away from God again.)
too rooted in self. wonder why. keeps popping up. Reason, logicality, man's method, man's ways.
Cant help but start making my own decisions n taking my own steps, reintegrating my ways with my thoughts. a form of subtle denial of God. taking root in me.
getting cleaned up now. looking to God again. at His way, His plans, His timing.
reinitialize.
reinitialize.
reinitialize.